Saturday, May 26, 2007

Will the Real Donatella Please Stand Up...

Saturday, May 26, 2007

Current mood: Bold and Brassy!
Category: Bold and Brassy! Life

So, who is that kid up on the stage playing the trombone? That can't be my kid—but there he is. He signed up for the school talent show and now he's playing his trombone in front of parents and schoolmates alike. Amazing how the genetic trait of "DON'T LOOK AT ME!" seems to have skipped a generation. And he's actually a sort of shy kid, but his friends were signing up, so he did too. He even chose a song with two endings, so he played the whole thing through twice. I am so freaking proud...

Let's go back in time to when my grade school was having a talent show. Did I sign up to be in it? Nope. I fantasized about doing a little dance routine to some song from a popular movie at the time. I practiced in my bedroom, alone, hoping to god that my mother wouldn't see me—I would have been mortified. I would never, ever, EVER think of performing in front of people. I don't know if it was innate, or I learned it somewhere, but I knew, in my heart, that I was not to "express myself" in front of other people. People were not to know what went on inside my head. I disliked playing pretend, lest some hidden aspect of my personality were to sneak out. When I doodled during school or whatever, I always scratched the doodles out. Those scribbling might give something away. (Yeesh.)

I got the "don't look at me" gene from my mother. In fact, I got it by way of nature and nurture, both. I learned to be modest. I learned to be nice. I learned to not wear certain types of clothing. I asked my mother when I was in high school about why I must shave my armpits. Her answer: Because otherwise it doesn't look nice…. I spent my formative years trying to simultaneously look nice, and yet avoid attention. It's a hard juggling act.

Here's an example of how this craziness has affected my life: About two years ago I went to see Stan Ridgway at a small club in Chicago with my friend Cactus. On the way in we were each given a raffle ticket for a drawing later. The club was the shape and size of a shoebox, and was extremely packed, so half-way through the show I told Cactus I was going to the back of the room. Near the end of the set Stan announced the drawing for such items as 6 Feet of Beef Jerky. Of course, my raffle ticket number is drawn. So, Stan keeps calling the number and I just pretend like it wasn't my ticket. "That's never happened before," said Stan. That's because the winner was never ME! Just the thought of walking through the crowded club, up on stage, to get a prize from Stan Ridgway…well, I couldn't do it. So he called another number. After the set Cactus didn't even have to ask me if I had the winning ticket; he'd known me too long to have thought otherwise. But as of late, things have been different for me. Over the years I had dealt with my insecurities and self-consciousness in different ways—some healthy, some not. But there has never been an actual change in my self-perception or mindset, until recently.

After the milestone birthday, and my introduction to Second Life, I'm finally starting to feel like I'm hitting my stride. I'm seeing that in SL I can let the "real" me out, without fear of reproach. I've been making a lot of friends in SL, meeting librarians who are very smart and funny, and I can flirt like the dickens! And this online behavior has emboldened me in real life as well. I find that I'm able to strike up conversations with people I've just met. I'm not afraid to make chitchat with strangers in line at the grocery store. And I can joke around with the cutest guys that come into the library without turning beet red. At long last I am feeling comfortable in my own skin, and it feels great.


Currently listening : The Good, the Bad & the Queen By The Good the Bad & The Queen Release date: By 23 January, 2007

Saturday, May 19, 2007

NAKED CHICKS!

Saturday, May 19, 2007

Current mood: Perplexed by human behavior

Ok, you know by now that I'm a librarian. I'm also a lefty, feminist kind of gal. And I'm not a prude. So I understand that I may get blasted by other feminists when I say that I don't have a big problem with the existence of pornography. People like to look at pictures or videos of people "doing it," whether it be solo, with a partner of the same sex, different sex, different species, different life form, whatever. Porn has been around for ages, and it has its place in the world. But it does not have a place in the public library.

When people leave their porn printouts in the library's computer center…well that just pisses me off. What the hell am I supposed to do with this crap? It's not even artistic or anything! It's just ads with naked girls touching themselves, looking all plastic and fake. And I'm sorry, but I don't understand the appeal of looking at porn in the library. I mean, I understand not wanting the spam and spyware ending up on your home computer, but who the hell wants to sit in the library with a boner while looking at porn in front of everybody. Oh wait---that would be perverts. And the library is the pervert's friend, unfortunately.

Many people (particularly library staff) don't know how to deal with porn when they see it at the library. They get flustered and upset when faced with a spread open beaver. But I just go up to the offender (same as I would the cell-phone-talker and the snack-eater) and say, "Dude—you have to turn that off. NOW." Then, I file away the person's face in my memory so I can watch him. I'll let other staff know about the incident so they, too, can keep an eye on the guy. And the next time I see him at the library I'll walk by, giving him the skunk eye, letting him know that I know what he's into.

I haven't been to an adult bookstore in a while, but it seems like they could use some internet stations where people can look at and download porn for a small fee. Of course, the library's computers are free, and if you're sleazy enough to look at porn in public, you're not going to be paying for your printouts anyway. Grrr…

Currently listening :
Everything Is Illuminated By Ariane Lallemand Release date: By 06 September, 2005

The good, bad, and ugly moods of Donatella

Friday, May 18, 2007

Current mood: Can't even put it into words...


For a few days now I've been struggling with what to write here. Nothing was GREAT. Nothing was HORRIBLE. Everything has been JUST FINE, thank you very much. And most people would be happy with that. No drama, no crisis, no catastrophe. But no, I'm not most people. If something's not totally mind blowing or totally sucky, what's the point? I had a splitting muscle tension headache yesterday—I guess that's pretty sucky. So I took a vicodin and felt better! And then when I woke up kind of groggy this morning…I DRANK 3 CUPS OF COFFEE BEFORE 10AM! Problem solved!

Somewhere in between Mania and Depression lies a state that causes consternation for those of us who are used to feeling the extremes. Ok, once again I'm exaggerating for effect—I'm not Manic Depressive. I don't have Obsessive Compulsive disorder. But give me substances or inebriants that make me feel on the edge (either high or low) and I feel totally at home. Get me jack-mode on coffee (thank you, Prysock) and I'm set. Give me a vicodin to take the edge off and there's smooth sailing ahead. But leave me with nothing to excite/inspire/sedate me…well, that's hard for me to handle.

I've come to realize that I may be an emotion junky (meaning: if I'm not feeling something in the extreme, what's the point?) This came into play with my recent birthday. As I reflected on my younger days, all I kept thinking was "I will never be as exhilarated about things as I was when I was in my 20s." This was a terrifying thought for me, so I got very depressed, lost my appetite, and lost myself in Second Life, where I had one exhilarating adventure after another, thereby going from one extreme, to the other, and back again. Not really a good couple of months for me.

But now I'm trying to learn to be happy with the middle ground. I'm thankful that I'm self-aware enough to know why I do a lot of the things I do. The hard part is changing. I still want to be thrilled and excited and overwhelmed. But I guess that I also need to be satisfied with things being just ok. (Although, honestly, that feels like a copout—who wants to settle for just ok?) So here's my question: How do I have a passion for something without it getting out of control and becoming escapism? I remember saying something last week about "keeping things in perspective." Is this where I would apply that maxim? Any thoughts on this?

Currently listening :
Supernova By Liz Phair Release date: By 16 April, 1995

My Calling

Wednesday, May 16, 2007

Current mood: Inspired and Reflective!

Be prepared to be shocked— I am behind on my tv watching. Yes—it's true. I have fallen behind on my favorite serial tv shows: Jericho; Heroes; hell—I even missed the final episode of Gilmore Girls! I have them all on DVR, so I will get to them at some point, but it's just a strange state of affairs for me.

I've been watching way too much tv since I was a kid. So what's different now? The main thing is that I've been focusing on my career. Until about 5 or 6 years ago, I never even had a career. I had job after shitty job, and I have the ID Badge collection to prove it! But when I became a librarian, my world changed. DAMN—I love being a librarian!

As part of my career-building, I've been checking out Info Island in Second Life and talking to the librarians there, asking about volunteering. I must say, I'm pretty ballsed up about it! More and more I find opportunities for creative, fulfilling work I can do as a librarian.

But wait--let me ask you something before I go on: Do you have a library card? If not, go get one. And if you don't like your local public library, complain about it—they won't know there's a problem unless the patrons say something. It's important that people use and support their public libraries.

Ever have a question about "who was that guy in the movie about the car"? Call a library and ask the reference librarian. That's what we're here for. We LOVE getting reference questions! You don't even have to call your local library—you can call any library anywhere! If you're in the Eastern timezone and your library is closed, call one in California! Whenever I'm on a road trip, and we're trying to find something or figure out something, or hell, even just talking about a movie we can't remember the name of, I'll suggest calling the library where I work and asking them for help finding the information.

If you need a phone number—call the library. If you want to know what's on tv tonight—call the library. Whatever it is, if we don't know the answer, we'll probably know how to find it. Just don't call me to ask what happened on Monday's episode of Heroes—I haven't watched it yet.

Zines, Comics, and other Hip Lit

Sunday, May 13, 2007

Current mood: creative

Rather than do the traditional Mother's Day Brunch, the family and I went to the Museum of Contemporary Art in Chicago today for an event called Zines, Comics, and other Hip Lit, presented by the MCA and Quimby's Bookstore. (See more about Quimby's below.) Quimby's had a long table with a lot of their books, zines, and comics for sale, with some authors and zine writers there as well. I chatted briefly with a couple of the Quimby's folks about my being a librarian lucky enough to buy the graphic novels for my library's collection. (It's pretty amazing that I lucked into this, actually. When they hired me at my library I was told that I'd be buying books in the 700s and 800s, which means Art books—including architecture, crafts, photography, comics, etc. —and Literature. These were the perfect selection areas for me!)

So anyway, while at the Quimby's table, one of the zine creators there, Al Burian, gave me a copy of his book, "Things Are Meaning Less." It's a 100 page collection of comics he drew from 1997-1998. I read it while I waited for my son and husband to look around the museum, and I was awestruck.

The first story is a beautiful little piece, with musings about life, maturity, the nature of coincidence, and a power plant's flashing lights that may or may not have prescient meaning. Throughout the panels, our hero is making a sandwich. The last frame shows him with sandwich in hand and he's thinking: "Peanut butter and jelly sandwich. As usual, totally kick-ass." The beauty of the mundane--I loved this book. I'm definitely going to check out his zine Burn Collector, which is also available at Quimby's.

If you ever come to Chicago, you have to go to Quimby's (
www.quimbys.com). It's a great comic book store, with books on every publishing subculture you can imagine, from "Erotica & Fetish" to "Mayhem" to "Lowbrow Art." Check out their blog, too. I was alerted that the new BUTT magazine had come in! Read the description of it here: http://quimbys.com/product_info.php/products_id/19203 But here's a teaser: one of the articles listed in the magazine is: "'Dirty Danny--Amsterdam Homo Hobo Hasn't Changed His Filthy Bed Sheets Since 1996,' by Lenert Engelberts." I don't know about you, but I'm intrigued....

Currently listening :
Operators Manual By Buzzcocks Release date: By 12 November, 1991

I'M WEAK!!! But it's ok....

Saturday, May 12, 2007

Category: Life

My moratorium on Second Life is not working out quite as I had planned. Here's a little background info on my entree into SL. In my work as a librarian, I've read a lot of articles in professional journals about reaching young adult patrons through new technology. One thing I kept seeing as a possible venue was Second Life. In March of this year I decided to create an SL acct. and scope out the potential for my library's involvement.

Well, my intentions were pure, but I was soon drawn to the dark side. Ok, I'm exaggerating. It wasn't that dark. In fact, it was a hell of a lot of fun. But I spent a lot more time exploring the more fun areas of SL rather than the professional resources I had gone there for in the first place. And then, what with my addictive personality and all, I became totally obsessed with spending time in SL. I made SL friends, bought SL clothing, rented an SL house (and furnished it very nicely, I must say), and generally spent way too much time playing a virtual version of "Barbie Dream House."

So, after an impromptu intervention (my husband busted me), I decided to quit SL cold turkey. And I did well for almost a week! But it's hard to stay away. Then I had a brainstorm: Why don't I create a new Librarian avatar and keep my SL experience purely professional? I can do that. So I did. And it's going ok so far.

I went on to SL yesterday with my new avatar "Vikki Planer," and headed to Info Island, the Second Life Library location. I met a librarian (Shadow) whom I was familiar with via an SL Librarian social network group on Ning. Anyway, it was fun interacting with library professionals, and keeping my nose clean at the same time! There were patrons asking questions, other librarians to chat with, and just an all around exciting vibe. But as with a RL library, you get the crazy patrons too: when I showed up at Info Island the librarians were dealing with a guy asking about the tightness of a woman's vagina…. I IM'd Shadow and remarked that you can't escape patrons like this, even in a virtual world. Just the fact that the guy would seek out the library to ask a question like that….it's mind boggling. Shadow said she'd been dealing with griefers all day. She also told me that there's an SL librarian offering a class in "Griefers 101," so I'm going to look that up in preparation for my stint as an SL librarian. I don't know when I'll start volunteering there, but I'm putting my plan in motion. In any case, if you're active in SL come to Info Island and talk to some pretty cool librarians.

Currently listening : Favourite Worst Nightmare By Arctic Monkeys Release date: By 24 April, 2007

The Fog is Lifting...

Friday, May 11, 2007

Current mood: Crazy Optimistic!
Category: Life

Life is feeling better these days. I think I've turned a corner. The birthday angst has subsided, and has been replaced by a feeling of optimism. I have to be careful, though--I've gotten comfortable with feelings like this before, only to have harsh reality slap me in the face. I need to "keep things in perspective." (That's the secret phrase for the week, for those of you keeping track at home.)

I just finished an amazing novel called "Remainder," by Tom McCarthy. It's told from the point of view of an "unreliable narrator," who had suffered some sort of accident that he can't remember. Very interesting. He becomes obsessed with "re-enacting" things he remembers, and this behavior escalates. Some of the details he goes into get a bit tedious, but you're right inside the narrator's head, so that's the way he thinks. Anyway, it's very beautifully written, and I say check it out. It's unlike anything I've read before. And I have to say that I can identify with some of the obsessiveness of the guy's personality.... Next book on my list is: "Then We Came to the End," by Joshua Ferris.

That's it for today--everybody have a great weekend and enjoy life!

Currently listening : Brianstorm By Arctic Monkeys Release date: By 17 April, 2007

Today's a Little Better

Wednesday, May 09, 2007

Today's a little better....
Current mood: excited
Category: Music

So, I am officially a friend of the Kaiser Chiefs! YES! Yeah, ok, so it's me and 62,174 other people...D'OH! But there I am, on their comments page, so, buuh! Little things like this are very exciting for me.

Also exciting was discovering plugins and gizmos for Mozilla Firefox, especially the FoxyTunes Player! (http://www.foxytunes.com/) I'm still figuring it out, but when I typed in Kaiser Chiefs it took me to a page with all sorts of media listed, including audio links, videos (YouTube performances, etc.), and more. Technology is very much my friend today.

Currently listening : Yours Truly Angry Mob By Kaiser Chiefs Release date: By 27 March, 2007

A Day Late, and a Dollar Short

Tuesday, May 08, 2007

A Day Late, A Dollar Short
Current mood: cranky
Category: Music

Around 1998 I got into the band Blur. I had been familiarwith their music, and had always liked them, but I hadn't bought anythingby them. This was right after the CD "Blur," and before "13."As I tend to do with things I get "into," I became totallyobsessed with them (and Damon Albarn in particular). Then, of course,they broke up. I never got to see them perform live.

So lately I've been discovering some of the UK & Canadian bands likeThe Arcade Fire, Kaiser Chiefs, Arctic Monkeys, Hard-Fi, etc. Today I decidedto look at the music listings in The Chicago Reader (local freepaper with great movie/music/entertainment listings) and whatdo I find but the listing that Arcade Fire has sold out all 3 showsat the Chicago Theater (May 18-20), and Arctic Monkeys' showtonight at the Riviera Theater is ALSO sold out. GODDAMMIT! And a fewof the bands mentioned above were just at Coachella last week! I hate being out of the loop! This is whatI hate about getting older.... Grrr....

First Try

Monday, May 07, 2007

It's my first try, so please be kind.... Current mood: optimistic


Hey there--
I figure it's about time that I start one of these dang "blogs," as the kids call 'em. Not sure if I'll have enough to say, but I'll start rambling and try to stop when the crazy kicks in.


I'm a reference librarian at a small public library in the suburban Chicagoland area. I'm sorry, not reference librarian, but Information Services librarian. Yeesh. Anyway, I've been a "real" librarian for about 5 years, but have worked in libraries since about 1991. I was recently made "High School Liaison" to the local high school, so if anyone has any tips on getting teenagers into the library, I'd love to hear them.

Another tidbit: I just had a milestone birthday and had been freaking out lately: crabbiness; distractibility; and becoming addicted to Second Life. But I've cancelled my SL account and am trying to stay rooted in RL. I could use tips on this as well.

Miscellaneous information: I'm a wife and mother; I watch too much tv; and I used to play the cello (badly) in high school.

So, that's me, in a nutshell. Any questions? Any comments? Any remarks? I'd like to hear 'em.